Would you like a tool for CHANGE to get you to your HAPPY PLACE this summer?

Are you the happiest person you know?
Do you wake up each morning with a smile?
Do you feel absolutely free to be and do what you really want? Would you like to?

Or are you too trapped in the day-to-day grind? Chasing the bigger and better everything? Trapped under a heavy weight of responsibility, or an inability to imagine life any other way—because you’ve been taught that this is what successful people do?

But in reality what you’ve become is burned out, busy and tired of chasing the someday when you’ll have enough of X to be happy, be free and feel successful. You want the day you finally feel like you’ve made it to be today!

Today is your lucky day! This blog is actually a winning lottery ticket of happiness that I am beyond thrilled to be sending to you—with the message that today is the day you can have finally have it all, without having to become emotionally and spiritually bankrupt in the process.

Check out this video and claim your ticket to happy and free.

Click here for video: https://expanding.infusionsoft.com/link/2293ad5ba0/1ef0d660

The two women in the video are Christine Arylo and Gabrielle Bernstein.

Christine is former stressed-out achievement junkie and executive workaholic, and

Gabby is a former strung-out NYC party girl/publicist.

Over six years ago, they both cashed in their tickets to Burnout City, turned their ideas about success inside out, and became two of the happiest and freest people I know.

They also happen to be two of the most inspiring and transformational teachers I know. Christine and Gabby each have written life-changing books, spoken to audiences around the world and have dedicated their lives to showing people how to free themselves from the limitations that keep them from having what they really want. They walk their talk every day. They’re living it.

And no, they didn’t cash it all in and move to a mountaintop or start tie-dying their designer handbags. What they did was stop listening to the wrong people, stop thinking the wrong thoughts, and start learning how real success & happiness happens.

This summer, on June 9th, they are hosting a FREE Transformational Conversation that will blow your mind, open you heart and get your happy & free meter revving on high.

They are coming full out to share the 3 Keys to Having It All! Happiness, Love, Freedom and Success … the same three keys they used. I’ll be there, and you’ll definitely want to be there too!

Sign up now for the FREE 90-Transformative Call on June 9th. [LINK]

Signing up takes 10 seconds, and you’ll be so grateful you did.

And no sweat if you can’t make it live. Sign up [LINK] and Gabby and Christine will shoot you a recording after the call.

Never thought you’d be the happiest person you know? Get ready to change your mind.

With love,
Gretchen

P.S. I get a lot of invitations to attend calls like this, but this one is special. Gabby & Christine are powerhouses of inspiration, so I know just being on the call LIVE! with them is going to open me up to a world of freedom and happiness—that definitely will have me waking up with a smile in the morning. Join me! Grab your spot now! [LINK]

Could the Feeling of Obligation Be Telling You that you Need Healing?

From the time we wake up our brain starts working. Davidji from the Chopra Center says we have 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts EVERY DAY! Some of these thoughts are empowering, loving, positive, inspiring, creative.. the "good stuff". Some are neutral - "take out the trash", "time to eat breakfast". And some are yucky, they suck the wind right out of you, drop your energy way down, move your focus to a place you just don't want to go.

Life-sucking, negative thoughts can be examined and quieted. We can chose to look at them and say "Hey, where did you come from?" so that they don't take over our entire body and take us somewhere we don't want to go. There is a voice, a.k.a. an "Inner Mean Girl/Boy," that brings these thoughts into our consciousness.

Probably my most troublesome "Inner Mean Girl" (or IMG) message is related to a feeling of obligation, the "should" feeling, even when it's something I don't want to do. She tells me “You love them. Do what they want.”

It's not a big deal when it's something small, like my daughter says "Hey, Mom, can you drive me to Catherine's house?". My first reaction is to say "yes", before I even think of what I'm doing at the time. I just love to give to those I love. But I have learned to think first, see if it works for me, if the timing is not good then try to find a compromise, and if we can't work it out, I can just say "no" without guilt.

Feelings of obligation can act as a wake-up call to look at what we are bringing up from our past and they provide an opportunity to make new choices to evolve into the person we want to be, not who we were before. And sometimes we decide that the “obligation” really is in-line with our values and priorities and that we are willing to make a sacrifice this time.

But when this feeling of obligation causes you to go too far and betray your values and your sense of self, that's dangerous. Fear of conflict, of being wrong, of disapproval, of losing the relationship, of being abandoned... these fears used to rule my life, and since I did not know how to handle the intense fear and anxiety, I didn't take the opportunity to change. I felt I had to "obey" the other person, not me. I didn't know how to change or how to endure the fears and work through them. So I remained stuck in the beliefs that the other person was more important, they knew better, or even if I knew they didn't I would not speak up. This caused me not to trust myself and left an unspoken resentment towards the other person. And great confusion and anxiety. These feelings still come up, but I am aware now and making better choices. I'm also less "fearful of fear", as I have tools to work through it.

I was never taught to have healthy, strong boundaries as part of my make-up. My perceived need for connection and approval and making life "easier" for others is overdeveloped, while my need for self-expression and using my voice to have my life reflect what I want and intend is underdeveloped. This can be called "codependency", "attachment", "weak boundaries", “enabling” and also reflects low self-love.

After much digging into my past, I have learned that its' origin is not "my fault". When I was very young my role in my family, as placed on me by my parents, was to play watch-dog to my alcoholic and bipolar mother. I was to stay with her and watch her and make sure things didn't get too out of hand - or if they did, I was to get help. I was never told this in words, I was told with actions. My parents and brothers knew that Gretchen had to go with Mom when she'd go out driving drunk, "just in case". Fortunately, we never crashed. Unfortunately, there were other, even more dysfunctional situations that I was placed in. It's enough to say that they were traumatic, and not good for me.

After enduring 19 years in a marriage where I was not honoured, despite many attempts to "fix" him and the marriage including therapy sessions, I began to seek answers through Ala-Non's Adult Children of Alcoholics program. I have also found answers, healing and peace through individuals, books, meditation, and wonderful educational tools like the "Inner Mean Girl 40-Day Cleanse". The Cleanse inspired this blog, as this week's teleseminar topic is "Obligation".

My intense desire to find joy and healthy love for myself and others has made change mandatory. I have healed a great deal and I am finding healthy ways to acknowledge and deal with my fears and overcome them. I love life and I am proud of myself. I am learning how to create the life of my intentions with greater joy and purpose every day. I have big plans and goals and I am able to move forward with resilience to make them happen.

I share my experience to help others who may be feeling intense anxiety when they get these feelings of "obligation" and they really don't know if it's normal, if they should just give-in, if they are just not "loving enough". Many situations can result in codependency, not just having an alcoholic parent. It can develop from misunderstood religious guidance, a parent who is very angry and emotionally abusive, a parent with a compulsive disorder, a very manipulative boss, friend or partner, or even just from society's confusing views of what it means to be a "good woman" or to be "loving". If you don't learn how to have boundaries you can live a life with great confusion, hurt, sadness, depression, low self-esteem and feeling that you don't and can't have control in your life, that you can't trust yourself, the world or a higher power/God. But you can learn to trust yourself, your higher power and the world, and learn who and what not to trust ~ and have great joy and peace.

Register for the Free 40-Day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse now at: https://wakeupcall.infusionsoft.com/go/imgc/Gretchen/

Note: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-Day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.

Check out: Step Out of the Rush and Into Relaxed Living by Guy Finley

Hi,

I recently heard a great interview with Guy Finley then saw this post that I thought was worthwhile: Step Out of the Rush and Into Relaxed Living by Guy Finley

All the best,

Gretchen

Comparing Yourself to Others: Don't Let This Toxic Habit Bury YOU!

Yesterday I was pondering the topic of Comparison and thought, "well, I can't really see where I do that...".

And then today I watched the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse video with Christine and Amy on the subject and had a big "OMG" moment. I have been seeing all the posts from amazing women who are part of the Cleanse and how they are tweeting and blogging and have these wonderful groups they have started and companies, and how they have these wonderful children and loving marriages... And the more I read, the more I unconsciously compared myself in my head and thought "I'm not even tweeting at all, my blogs are too infrequent, I need a new website, I didn't finish some important stuff on my to-do list last week....." and the list got longer and heavier and I buried myself to the point of utter despair! The weight my Inner Mean Girl stacked on top of me made me think there was no way I could catch up or do things that were as worthwhile as these women, so why even try?

I'm SO glad that this topic stopped me in my tracks and allowed me to see how I was defeating and disempowering the capable, accomplished, worthwhile Gretchen! She didn't deserve to be made to feel like less, like not enough!

So as I am writing this I am creeping out from under this suffocating pile of defeat and crawling to an open space to breath and use the Gratitude technique. As I stand on my feet and stretch my arms to the sky, feeling the sun on my face, I remind myself: I am open to creating positive change in my life despite my fears, and this receptivity led me to find and learn first from Christine and then Amy. And I generously share things that have helped me with my friends and on Facebook. And on top of that I have attracted the most supportive, loving, strong, brilliant friends that anyone could ever ask for.

So I now praise these wonderful women who are tweeting, blogging, websiting (?), and providing such great examples to their children. They/You serve as inspiration for me and I am very happy for them/you in these accomplishments!

That feels SO much better! Thank you to each of you and to all involved in this journey.

Amen. : )

Not yet registered for the FREE 40-Day Cleanse? Register now at: https://wakeupcall.infusionsoft.com/go/imgc/Gretchen/

Note: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-Day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.

FREE 40-Day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse - Don't miss it!

In December, 2009, I came across an article posted on the VividLife.me page on Facebook entitled “How to Have a Holiday Season Without Obligation” by Christine Arylo. The advice was brave and honest about spending a guilt-free holiday full of joy, to “step forward this year with love in your heart, truth in your soul, and spend your holidays your way – whatever that looks like for you. Be real. Be wise. Be you.”

I thought “Wow! This woman really gets being authentic and happy without letting others bully you into guilt. I want to hear more!” I then found Christine’s Inner Mean Girl information website and also watched her great videos about “Choosing Me Before We”. I had to buy the book and the great necklace with the heart on one side and the word “me” on the other. At age 46, it was finally time for me to really learn to love myself and Christine became a big part of teaching me exactly how to do that.

I attended the “Summer of Love” tele-seminar program of Christine’s and heard Amy Ahler’s excellent talk on the “Big, Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves”, and knew that this taste of information on how to stop allowing my inner mean girl to sabatoge me was not enough, I wanted MORE! So I had to register for the 40-Day cleanse in as a warm-up to the next Inner Mean Girl Reform School.

My expectations for myself with the cleanse are: to dig deep and identify the lies that are ruling my life so I can befriend my Inner Mean Girl and make her work for me, rather than against me. I know I can make quantum leaps in my self-love, peace and happiness when I don’t have conflicting beliefs that keep me from the love, higher awareness, empowerment, connection with others and satisfaction of contributing my gifts to the world.

Please join me as I begin to remove self-sabotaging habits and embrace self-loving habits by attending:

The FREE Inner Mean Girl Cleanse 40-day Self-Love Practice.

Register now at: https://wakeupcall.infusionsoft.com/go/imgc/Gretchen/

Starting Wednesday, August 25th!

LIVE! Launch Call with SARK, Best-selling author of Succulent Wild Woman (and 10 other books), transformational teacher, and queen of radical self-care
– 10am PST / 1pm EST / 5pm GMT –

Take this cleanse and you will:

• Be guided by experts, Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers – master coaches & co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School) that inspire and challenge you
• Be taught by 6 other master teachers and authors on shifting toxic habits weighing you down: Gossip, Comparison, Judgment, Expectations and Obligations
• Release bad habits that block deeper female connections (we need each other to survive this crazy world!)
• Pick up and strengthen habits that fuel you vs. drain you (who couldn’t use more good energy these days?)

https://wakeupcall.infusionsoft.com/go/imgc/Gretchen/

And best of all, you will integrate these habits into your daily rhythm without having to put another to-do on your list. And, the IMG Cleanse is FREE! We believe so strongly that women want and need this shift that we are offering this 40-day cleanse for free for the first time ever.

https://wakeupcall.infusionsoft.com/go/imgc/Gretchen/

Let the cleanse BEGIN!

All the best,

Gretchen Casey

Part 14 - Learning from "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie

This week I am writing about Chapter 16 of “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie: Reading, analyzing, learning from, sharing my experiences and applying the insights in my life. (I highly recommend reading the book for a true understanding of codependency and reading the entire blog to avoid misunderstanding this information or taking statements out of context.)

Chapter 16: Set Your Own Goals

Well, it's so fitting that I would be writing about this chapter at this time, as I just finished my Mind Movie. It's a movie of my "worthy ideal", my goals and dreams with my photos, affirmations with inspiring music (I picked U2's "Pride: In the Name of Love".) (If you'd like to get 6 free mind movies, watch some cool videos with goal setting gurus John Assaraf, Bob Proctor, Joe Vitale and more, and also learn about Tapping, go to: www.mindmovies.com/mm20videoseries/bob-proctor.php.)

What I love about this chapter is that it says something so simple yet so profound: if we set goals, then things can change. And we can co-create good things by focusing on our lives rather than focusing on other people. (p.169) We can take back our lives. Setting goals and taking action to achieve them puts us in the drivers seat, we acknowledge that we are not victims, that we can be "less worried about solving problems because we've turned out problems into goals." (p.170) And it's fun and purposeful.

Having goals that you surrender to creates clarity in your life. "When you surrender to your goal, the goals works itself into your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is always in balance. Your conscious mind is not, unless it is in tune with what your subconscious mind is thinking. Without full cooperation from the subconscious mind, a person is hesitant, confused, indecisive. Now, with your goal absorbed into your subconscious mind you react the right way automatically. The conscious mind is free for clear, straight thinking." (p.171)

A few suggestions from my experience on setting goals is you have to give up that "need to be perfect". Just get started, right stuff down, anything. And it's okay if your goals change next week - or tomorrow! As we evolve, learn, grown, have experiences, they WILL change, and that's fine and normal! And don't make your goals based on what someone else thinks you should do or is pressuring you into or "it would make them so happy if I...". Base your goals on what you want and desire. Part of that can include things like better relationships or contributing to our planet, but do it because YOU want that as a goal. Get what I'm saying?

Melody has great ideas to get us started:

1) Turn everything into a goal. If you want something, make it a goal. "If it bothers us, make it a goal. If we're aware something needs to be changed, make it a goal." (p.172)

2) Omit the shoulds. "Make it a goal to get rid of 75% of our shoulds." (p.172)

3) Don't limit ourselves. "Don't worry, if we're not supposed to have it, we won't. If we are supposed to have it, I believe we'll stand an improved chance of getting it by turning it into a goal." (p.172)

4) Write our goals on paper. "We worry less, we have less to think about, and it gives focus and organization to our goals... and helps us direct our energy and to be in contact with our Higher Power." (p.172)

5) Commit our written goals to God. "Tell God these are the things we're interested in, ask for his help, then surrender humbly. They will be done, not mine." (p.172)

6) Let go. "Keep our goals close, where we can look at them as we need to but don't worry and obsess about how, when, if and what if... Try to not control or force." (p.172)

7) Do what we can, one day at a time. "If it's time to do something, we'll know. It it's time for something to happen, it will. Trust ourselves and God." (p.173)

8) Set goals regularly and as needed. "If I'm facing a problem, spot a need, feel a new want, I turn it into a goal and add it to my list. I also use goals to get me through crisis times, when I'm feeling shaky. Then, I write down all the things I want and need to accomplish on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis." (p.173)

9) Check off the goals we reach. "When this happens, cross off that goal, congratulate ourselves and thank God. We will gain confidence in ourselves, in goal setting, in God, and in the rhythm of life this way." (p.173) "Problems arise. Problems get solved... Good things happen. Then, more problems arise. But it's all okay." (p.174)

10) Be patient. "I've started to realize that waiting in an art, that waiting achieve things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall." (p.174, Dennis Wholey, "The Courage to Change")

And you gotta' love this:

"If you don't have any goals, make your first goal 'getting some goals'!" No matter where you start, it's the right place!

I want to close with an amazing definition that I learned from Christine Arylo during her Summer of Love teleseminar recently.

‎"Self Love: the unconditional love and unconditional respect you have for yourself that is so deep, so unwavering and so solid that you only put yourself into situations and relationships (including the one you have with yourself) that reflects that same unconditional love and respect."

Setting goals is an act of self-love.

All the best to you as you are writing your goals,

Gretchen

Part 13 - Learning from "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie

This week I am writing about Chapter 15 of “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie: Reading, analyzing, learning from, sharing my experiences and applying the insights in my life. (I highly recommend reading the book for a true understanding of codependency and reading the entire blog to avoid misunderstanding this information or taking statements out of context.)

Chapter 15: Yes, You Can Think

"The purpose of this chapter is to tell you that you can think , you can figure things out, and you can make decisions - good, healthy decisions." (p.164)

When living with an alcoholic, now or in the past, the crazy lives we live have taught us to feel we can't trust ourselves, we are ruled by fears and we get stuck in feelings of indecisiveness or ambivalence (the coexistence in one person of opposite feelings toward the same objective).

But we CAN trust ourselves. Louise Hay points out in her CD "Embracing Change": "If you promise yourself something, honor it and follow-through. We must have self-respect. You cannot have self respect if you break your promises to yourself. Do not make a promise that you know you do not want to keep. If you never trust yourself you will never trust life." (CD 2, 1997) She also points out that if you are not there yet, don't scold yourself. "When you are scolded it’s hard to make changes, when you are loved it’s easy to make changes." (CD 2, 1997)

"For a variety of reasons, we may have lost faith in our ability to think and reason things out. Believing lies, lying to ourselves (denial), chaos, stress, low self-esteem, and a stomach full of repressed emotions may cloud our ability to think. We become confused. That doesn't mean we can't think." (p.164)

Melody points out all of the many ways we sabotage our thinking and our confidence, including overreacting, worrying about other's opinions of us, feeling we have to be perfect, telling ourselves to hurry, hating ourselves, worrying about "what ifs", worrying and obsessing..." (p.164-165)

But "Remember, decisions don't have to be made perfectly. We don't have to be perfect. We don't even have to be nearly perfect. We can just be who we are. We can make mistakes in our choices. We're not so fragile we can't handle making a mistake. It's no big deal! It's part of living. We can learn from our mistakes, or we can simply make another decision." (p.165)

"We can even change our minds. Then change them again. Then again. Codependents vacillate. As codependents, we are in the midst of upsetting situations. We may go back and forth a lot; we may throw the alcoholic out, then take him back. We may leave, then come back, then leave again. This is how we get to where we're going. It's okay. Let's take it one step further - it's normal and often necessary." (p.165-166)

I have found a great many resources on making decisions and changing your thinking and your limiting beliefs. But one I am currently reading and find to be very helpful with specific suggestions is "It's Not the End of the World: Developing Resilience in Times of Change" by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. She teaches the 3 secrets of resilience, how to let go and move on, and how to "train your brain for success".

(Just ask me if you'd like to know of other authors or methods that I've found effective. There are also great resources on living your authentic self - Melissa Etheridge is one of the great resources on this topic - and following your intuition.)

Melody suggest the following "may help us gain confidence in our mental abilities":
(Please see the book for more detail!)

• Treat our minds to some peace. Detach. Get calm.


• As God to help us think. Ask Him to give me the right thought, word or action. Ask Him to send His inspiration and guidance. Ask Him to "Help me solve my problems".


• Quit abusing our minds. Worry and obsession constitute mental abuse. Stop doing those things.


• Feed our minds. Give our mind information. We will come up with good answers and solutions.


• Feed our minds healthy thoughts. Affirmations are wonderful, among other things.


• Stretch our minds. Learn something new. Take a class.


• Quit saying bad things about our minds.


• Use our minds. We're not victims. We can take possession of our power to think.

(All from p.166-167)

You are thinking now, you are educating yourself and opening your mind by reading this blog. I appreciate your co-creative thinking with me!

All the best.